In my last few posts, I’ve been exploring the relationship between our beliefs and our results. Stated simply, but accurately, our beliefs determine our thoughts, our thoughts determine our emotions, those determine our actions and our actions determine our results. So in the world of cause and effect, beliefs are cause and results are the effects.
In a previous post, I suggested that the true function of language is not to report on what is “out there,” but to create what is “out there” and this is why it’s not as difficult as it might seem to change your beliefs since our beliefs live in language. Again, change your beliefs, change your results.
A final example of this is how humans relate to others. Think about it, the moment you meet another person, what is the first thing you do, whether you realize it or not? You judge them. And when you connect with someone you already know, the first thing that shows up in this case is all the judgments you have made in the past. So fundamentally, who people are for us is our story about them and that story normally consists of only our judgments.
This would not be a problem if our tendency was to judge people positively. The problem comes because we tend to do just the opposite. When I ask a room full of people to share with me the not-so-nice thoughts they have ever had about another, I get answers like: fat, ugly, stupid, idiot, uncommitted, phony, smelly, and … You get the point.
What’s the alternative and what’s my point? Well, if the true function of language is to “create” what’s there, how about inventing who people are? I’m suggesting that rather than judging everyone you meet, decide in advance who people will be for you. When I ask the people in my rooms what some of the nice things they could say about people, I get answers like: nice, pretty, brilliant, kind, fun, playful, elegant, and … Hopefully you get the point here too. Here’s what I decided a long time ago: that I would relate to all people as brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous, amazing, sexy and hot! I picked that last one up in one of my rooms.
So what’s the “truth” about people? Who cares, the only thing that matters is what is true about people for YOU! This is critically important. Your effectiveness with others is a function of how you view the world, how you view you, other people, life in general. If you think the way you view the world is based on how it "is", you're stuck. But if you accept that the way you view the world is up to you, you can have it be however you want it to be. That's exciting!
To be continued …
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