Leadership Tip: First, Be a Detective!

What’s your story? 

After reading Scott Hunter’s recent blog, “To Succeed, Make Up a New Story”, I began to wonder how many of you even realize you have a story about yourself.  Do you?  The powerful take away from his article is that you can change your story!

 The interesting thing I’ve learned from studying and coaching others is that our stories are such a part of our life, we don’t even realize they’re stories.  We believe them to be true.  As Scott mentioned, at their core is usually, “I’m not worthy, I’m not good enough or I’m not loved”.  As the creative “meaning making machines” that we are, we have a tendency to automatically tell stories which reflect our beliefs about ourselves, our relationships and our life.  We can be very dramatic!

 So to write your new story, first be a detective.  First clue - If your life is not working as well as you would like, it’s clear you have a story we’ll call a negative or limiting belief that needs to shift/change.  Then you can write your new story and enjoy the rewards that come from it. So, as the detective, examine the area of your life that is not working and start asking yourself questions. 

 For example, if you are in debt and never have enough money, your story may be something like, “I’m not smart enough (or educated enough) to earn a good living.” Or “You can’t make good money in this economy.”  As the detective, ask yourself, “Is this true?”  “Is this my story?”  Another approach is asking, “Is this fact or fiction (a story)?”  As Dragnet, the popular TV detective of the 50’s often said, “Just the facts, mam!” 

 When you start being a detective and asking these questions, you’ll realize you’ve created quite a story here AND you believe it AND you live your life as if it’s true.  It’s become a “habit” for you to have stories that you’re not worthy, good enough or not loved.  Here are a couple of other examples:  “I’m fifty-five years old.  I’ll never have a boyfriend.”  Fact or Fiction?  “Did you hear how she spoke to me?  I know she doesn’t like me?”  Fact or Fiction?  “My boss didn’t say anything about my report. I know he didn’t like it.”  Fact or Fiction? 

 It doesn’t matter how plausible your interpretation may be, unless you verity your assumptions with facts, it remains fiction!  Confusing fact with fiction (stories) comes from your negative or limiting beliefs – your insecurities, doubts, fears, misperceptions, etc. When you start being a detective, separating fact from fiction, you’ll begin to realize you have a choice.  You can stop “reacting” to things based on your story.  You become what you think.  You can choose to have new, empowering stories about you and your life.  You can see yourself as brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous!  You can see that life loves you and you have an amazing life!